We'll Be Landing Soon

I was on a flight to Memphis recently when the flight attendant announced that we would soon be landing "in the Memphis area."  In the Memphis area?  I was hoping to land at the Memphis International Airport, not just somewhere "in the area." 

My Blog

I started writing down my experiences with idiots several years ago with the intention of starting a blog.  Well, here it is.  Trouble is, there are so many of them and they're everywhere.  You've probably met many of them too.

What A Way to Run An Airline

I received an e-mail from Hawaiian Airlines inviting me to check-in online for my flight.  I attempted to do so and got an error message that said “special assistance is required, please check in at the Hawaiian Airlines airport ticket counter.”  When I called to ask why “special assistance” was required, they said it because I was flying to Pago Pago and couldn’t check-in online.  So why did they send me an e-mail inviting me to check-in online, thereby wasting my time when I attempted to do so?  Did they not know I was flying to Pago Pago?  Indeed it shows Pago Pago as my destination on the very e-mail that told me I could check in-online.  Another example of corporate stupidity.

Just The Fax Please Ma'am

I called the IRS today to get a fax number.  On the face of the IRS form I filled out, it says “call 1-800-829-1040 if you want to fax your request.”  I called.  1-800-829-1040 is not a fax number.  After waiting on hold for over 20 minutes, I got to speak with a nice lady who, when I asked for a fax number to fax the form to, had no clue what I was talking about.  She said “I can’t give out fax numbers to taxpayers.”  When I told her that I was merely following the directions on the face of the form, she put me on hold while she went to the bathroom, or perhaps on vacation.  When she came back, she said “I still can’t find a fax number for you.”  When I asked to speak to her supervisor, she said “just a minute while I try one more place.”  She finally came back on the line and gave me a fax number for somebody named Lynecia.  I faxed the form to Lynecia. 

Small, Medium or Large

At a Subway several years back, I ordered a "small" Coke.  "We don't have small, we only have medium, large and jumbo", the mentally-challenged doofus said.  I pointed out that, by definition, you can't have a medium if there's nothing smaller, because medium comes between something smaller and something larger.  He didn't understand.  I think he had a ring in his ear.

 

Recently, the kids wanted to go to Peter Piper Pizza.  If you've never been there, avoid it at all cost.  It's full of screaming little brats.  Anyway, I ordered the food, and then, based on the sign, ordered small drinks (the sign listed "kids", "small" and "large" sizes).  Since my run-in several years ago with the doofus at a Subway, I've always looked at the sign and ordered one of the sizes specified on the sign, but even that didn't work this time.  The high-school kid working the counter set several "kids" sized cups on the counter.  "I wanted THAT size", I said, pointing to the somewhat larger cup.  "That's a medium", he said.  "We only have "small", "medium" and "large."  "According to the sign", I said, "you have kids, small and large sizes, no mediums.  And I ordered a small, which is THAT one."  I still don't think he understood.  He had a ring in his ear too.

Going Postal

I went to the Post Office today to renew the kid’s passports.  I had all the forms filled-out beforehand.  I had new passport photos plus the old passports with me.  I brought the kids along, as required, plus my wife.  (If you're getting passports for minor children, both parents must be present).  The guy at the counter glanced at it all and said "you need their birth certificates."  I asked "why do I need their birth certificates when I have their old passports?"  "Because that's the rule for kids", he said.  So I drove all the way home, retrieved the birth certificates, and headed back to the Post Office.  When I got to the counter, the dude I had dealt with earlier was nowhere to be found (undoubtedly on one of his many daily 2-hour breaks), so I presented all my documentation to the lady.  She looked it all over and said "you don't need these birth certificates since you have their old passports."  When I told her I had just driven home to retrieve said birth certificates because the guy who waited on me earlier said they were required, she said "he should know better than that."  I think they make this stuff up as they go along.

Sprint Customer Service

I called Sprint Customer Service to question one of the charges on my cell phone bill.  After all the usual screwing around (press “1” for English; enter your account number; press “3” for billing options; press “0” to speak with a representative), I was placed on hold and had to listen to the usual drivel (“your call is important to us”, etc.)  After a few minutes of this, another recording tells me the wait to speak to a customer service representative is approximately 20-minutes.   Apparently Sprint thinks its customers have nothing better to do than to wait on hold for 20-minutes.  I hung up and tried again later that afternoon.  Same result.  I tried again the next day and the wait was still 20-minutes.  I tried a fourth time just after the July 4^th holiday, only this time it said “all customer service reps are busy, please try your call again later.”  So, I decided to go to Sprint’s website and submit my billing inquiry via the web site.  I did, making sure to include my name, my address and my cell phone number.  The next day, I received an e-mail from Sprint that said before they could help me, I’d have to respond and tell them my name, my address and my cell phone number.  I guess the morons didn’t read my original e-mail.